I believe if we leave ourselves vulnerable by sharing our stories it can be both therapeutic and helpful to others.
I have been struggling with the “act of forgiveness” for a few years. How can I forgive the abuse and abusive people? How can I set my self free. I see quotes, ads and endless media about how victims of way worse find forgiveness, then surely I can too?
What I have recently learned that I was trying way too hard.
Big mission set yourself free! Break the pattern(s)!
Well that was a bust.
So here is what happened next.
I forgave myself for not being the person you expected me to be
It is not about them, it is about me, my desire to be free of the constant battle within myself.
The new wisdom is, I am not the expectation of the person/illusion they created.
Why is it all about their pain and disappointment?
Why set yourself up for that pain on repeat?
You have become a hostage of exactly where they want you to be. I can not dispel the illusion(s) of someone else’s making.
Maybe I will never find forgiveness. I now accept that. I release the hold those thoughts have over me.
I surrender.
So as the layers unfold in my journey of this discovery what I can share is you can find the space inside of you that is divine and perfect.
That unique magic where it is everything as it should be. There is no healing required. It is healed. Let that part of you grow outwards and be set free. Once that takes root, the rest well it is whatever it will be. Maybe you can’t forgive and be the perfect version of what others see or expect. Oh well. If you return to that untouched divine version of yourself, then who are we kidding it’s perfect. Let the inner world shine through the outer world for a while. It desires to take centre stage for a while.
We are so much more than your trauma guilt and shame. These tissues with issues are so limiting. HaHa Don’t let whatever happened to you be the definition of all that you are.
Remember no mud – no lotus,
Amanda
